Skip to main content

The Real Google Kool-Aid

Many have speculated on how it is that a couple of kids from Stanford turned the internet upside down. Some theorized that maybe it was because Sergey and Larry went to Montessori Schools. "Perhaps", some wondered aloud, "there was some fiendish pact with the devil..."

Well, now, I know the real secret. This post makes it abundantly clear. The magic of Google comes from Kombucha tea. Because you didn't follow that link, I'll explain. Kombucha is this weird tea made from a "polyculture of at least two yeasts and two bacteria, living synergistically." Basically, what happens is you take this gelatinous blob of yeast and some as yet unidentified bacteria, get some sweet black tea, and 'feed' the blob, removing some beverage each day in the form of an alcoholic(5.0-1.5%) caffeinated, crazy-ass yeast and bacteria excrement liquid. Which Googlers drink for breakfast! (1 and a half gallons of the stuff, every day...)

Who knows what weird and magical properties this stuff has. People have variously claimed it cures cancer, combats stress and is a natural anti-biotic. Adverse affects reported from drinking kombucha include
liver damage, metabolic acidosis, cutaneous anthrax infections - Anthrax! For breakfast!

Isn't it obvious that Google is really a company that's not actually controlled by humans, but by a polyculture of super talented gelatinous yeast and bacteria?

C'mon, people, you know it's true...


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Going West vs Going to Sleep

Phew! That was one busy adventure to the other side of this wide brown land (It is wide, and brown, but mainly wide) TUF 2005 in Perth was the launching ground for our new product, ice. Stilly and I were presenting the keynote, which was based around showing off ice, and talking about collaboration and other reasons why a bunch of customers might want to buy it. In a stroke of genius\insanity, we decided to let the audience pick the demonstration platform based on random outcomes - we built a giant cardboard die with various operating systems and platforms written on each side - then we'd let a volunteer from the audience roll the dice(die?) to determine which platform we should do our demo on. ice (the italics belong to the marketing department) works on any platform, so we were pretty confident that we would be okay. But, what I hadn't counted on (those italics are mine), was my crummy laptop (which was acting as the server) deciding that it would be a good idea to hibernat...

Considerably smaller than Texas...

Well, after jonron 's nagging, I figured I better post something! It's weird - being so far away from home and in such a strange foreign place - you'd think that I'd have all kinds of things to say, but in truth most of the time I'm either so busy with work that I don't have time to post, or so lonely that I don't want to burden you all with my misery... (sob!) Anyway - I'm currently posting from the Best Western Hotel in Corpus Christi, Texas . (We have a TRIM Customer here who needs some help with configuring their records management system, so Simon and I have been helping out. ) I'm not sure that I'd ever want to stay at the Worst Western. Or even the Average Western, but no matter... Texas has been a pretty entertaining place to visit. Our efforts at finding a place to park ended in a church parking lot where the sign said "Clergy Only - Sinners Will be Prosecuted (and towed)" When we finally found the office, there was another gi...

Dreams of a night on the TRIM

Disclaimer:People's dreams are often not very interesting to anyone but them. But this was so weird I had to write it down. I don't know what it means, other than to highlight the fact that I'm a little deranged. All companies and people in this dream are actually me, and almost definitely wouldn't behave in such a fashion in real life. No correspondence will be entered into. Shimmery Dissolve in In my dream, software was alcohol . Everybody was drunk all the time, because of the amount of software in the work place. Big companies like Microsoft and Oracle were in the business of getting people shitfaced at big conventions, where they'd teach you about the alcohol molecule and how they'd added a new hydroxide molecule. Microsoft called this directDrink. IBM had a reputation for taking out the CEOs of large enterprises and getting them all really drunk, thus mandating more IBM liquor (which was blue) be bought and drunk by millions of government employees around ...