Monday, November 14, 2005

The Real Google Kool-Aid

Many have speculated on how it is that a couple of kids from Stanford turned the internet upside down. Some theorized that maybe it was because Sergey and Larry went to Montessori Schools. "Perhaps", some wondered aloud, "there was some fiendish pact with the devil..."

Well, now, I know the real secret. This post makes it abundantly clear. The magic of Google comes from Kombucha tea. Because you didn't follow that link, I'll explain. Kombucha is this weird tea made from a "polyculture of at least two yeasts and two bacteria, living synergistically." Basically, what happens is you take this gelatinous blob of yeast and some as yet unidentified bacteria, get some sweet black tea, and 'feed' the blob, removing some beverage each day in the form of an alcoholic(5.0-1.5%) caffeinated, crazy-ass yeast and bacteria excrement liquid. Which Googlers drink for breakfast! (1 and a half gallons of the stuff, every day...)

Who knows what weird and magical properties this stuff has. People have variously claimed it cures cancer, combats stress and is a natural anti-biotic. Adverse affects reported from drinking kombucha include
liver damage, metabolic acidosis, cutaneous anthrax infections - Anthrax! For breakfast!

Isn't it obvious that Google is really a company that's not actually controlled by humans, but by a polyculture of super talented gelatinous yeast and bacteria?

C'mon, people, you know it's true...

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