Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Go away and stop bothering me.

I must've been born under a bad sign.

Every single week, I get at least one sales-droid from telephone companies, ringing me up and asking me to change to their stupid and no-doubt vastly superior plan. The last thing I want is more people to pay money to. I can't be bothered futzing around and changing anything - I don't care if I save 3 cents every local call and can keep my own phone number.

And is it just me, or do these phone companies get shonkier sounding every day?. This is (roughly) the call I just had with a guy who I think called himself Anton:

Me: Hello?

[weird silence - probably due to outward bound call centre connecting two people who don't want to speak to each other]

Anton: Hello?

Anton:(in thick weird accent - maybe chinese but speaking about 12 words per second.)"Hello , can I speak to Mister Taylor, please?"

Me: This is Mr Taylor

Anton: Hello Mr Taylor, my name is Anton from Southern Cross Telco, how are you today?

Me:From where?

Anton:SuthCrosTelco - Is this your phone number?

Me:(suddenly desperate to hang up, having realised what's going on) Yeah...

Anton: lemme say to you mr taylor, you've been selected for a VIP package offering you the latest deal on blah blah ..( he probably said some other stuff-my eyes glazed over at this point)

Me: Look man, I don't want to change my telephone provider. I can't be bothered, I'm lazy and my phone works okay, so If it's all the same, I'd rather...

Anton: No, no, mr taylor you don't have to do anything (more inane rambling about a free dial-up internet connection and how they take care of everything, no paperwork)

Me: Anton!

Anton: Yes

Me: I do not want to buy your crappy product.

Anton: You can have a low, low price on all your telecommunications calls...blalblblah (reading from script)


Anton: Yes

Me (thinking I'll try a different tack) The thing is: I HATE saving money.

Anton: you what?

Me: I hate saving money. I hope you're not trying to offer me A VIP program that can save me money, because I hate that. Could you say, make it possible for me to triple my telecommunications costs? I might be interested in that package...

Anton: uh...

[another awkward silence where Anton shuffles paper and tries to figure out what to say next. Obviously they didn't teach him about nuts like this in call centre school .So eventually he just decides go back to the beginning!]

Anton: Lemme say to you mr taylor, you've been selected for a VIP package offering you the latest deal on...

Me: Sorry, man.


So phone companies! - (Southern Cross Telco in particular.) There is NO good time to ring me. Ever! Find some other way to sell me your shitty thing. Get creative! Get a blog, send me spam, Send a supermodel around handing out leaflets at the summernats, park a giant plastic telephone out the front of my house - I don't care! - just STOP CALLING ME!

Ahh. I feel better now.


  1. I had a phone call from the same mob a couple of weeks ago! The woman on the other end was obviously reading from a script, because if she got thrown (say, because I'd told her I wasn't interested), she'd pause for a second and then launch back into her speil.

    It was some of the suckest telemarketing I've had to deal with.

  2. Anonymous9:14 pm

    Tip: Try giving the phone to your youngest child and letting them talk for hours